I've managed to survive the last few days without hanging myself.

So I got saturday off since the shelter was closed. It was a much welcomed reprieve. Yesterday I got up determined to live slowly. I had tea. I made potatoes for breakfast in my antique cast iron skillet (that was a simple joy all on its own). I sat on the balcony and read my book. I eventually got dressed and ran a few errands. Went to the pet store for hammie/rattie bedding, bath sand for the hammies, and chew sticks for the ratties. Tried to entertain myself by getting a cheap cup of coffee and reading at the coffee shop. Even went into the book store and bought a couple more really cheap books. Went to the grocery store. By the end of the day, my room was clean, my bathroom clean, and all three rattie/hammie homes were clean, and the fish tank also clean. I also finished a DVD I was making for my sister and her husband so they could send out official thank yous, almost a year later from the wedding. (they're going to use the DVDs as thank yous)

Today I got up later than anticipated. I usually like to slide in my quiet time since sis and her hub sleep at least past 10. It gives me good alone time. I got up at 9:30 due to lack of interest when the alarm went off. I fed the animals, and then proceeded to make me some coffee and a toasted blueberry bagel. I lazed around on the balcony reading again for a while with my breakfast. It was windier today though, and so I went in faster than I did yesterday. I eventually got dressed, toying with the idea of taking a walk- but never did. I kept reading. It's been a good distraction from Slink's death. I still think about her a lot.

This evening went to the 'rents house. Father had invited me to dinner (with the sis/hus/kid). So I drove over there about 3pm. I wasn't thrilled about it, visits never go without bickering and bitching (my 'rents) so there are always tense moments. After we ate (my ribs are better dad, sorry), I washed dishes, and I slipped outside to at least get something productive done- washed Roger. Did a little detail work. Slipped inside for desert and show the 'rents my DVD. Left as soon as possible without looking like I "ate and ran" (though my dad still made some comment along that line).

I have many worries. Sway's infection has not gotten better so she's got a bit of a scab going. I have to talk to the vet soon to find out what the plan of action might be with her, the infection, and the other growth. What's worse is that my youngest, Switch had a tiny growth the vet noticed last time he saw her, now it's three times that size. So I'm toying with the idea of removing it, AND getting her spayed- which cuts down on hormone production which often causes the growths that they get. It's an expensive surgery, but if she's getting those already at such a young age- I'm screwed.

After paying bills friday and my errands, I now probably have in the neighborhood of 60 or less to last me until the 15th. My savings aka emergency money is down to 40 dollars after the emergency vet bills. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to swing the next couple of weeks but for just literally doing nothing. So if I go to the vet with my animals all that will have to go on a card that I've already reluctantly used for the $65 nurse practitioner visit for myself and my bronchitis last month, and $165 of the emergency vet visit for Slink last sunday. I really don't want to have to use that card again but the universe seems to want to force it upon me.

Talked to AZ today, like I do just about every day since I've been back. He went to the doctor today since I passed him the bronchitis- he ended up with it about two weeks ago despite my departure mid May. I kept telling him he'd end up at the doctor- he kept insisting the supplements he was taking was gonna get rid of it (he works for a holistic doctor). I told him I tried every holistic trick in the book, and some not so holistic with over-the-counter drugs and I ended up at the nurse practitioner's office in the end, practically begging for antibiotics. He went to urgent care today finally, they too gave him antibiotics and an inhaler like they did me. They even went as far as taking a chest xray (which is a waste if you ask me, but he's actually got medical coverage). Just to diagnose what we already knew. Severe bronchitis. (which I still have symptoms of, can't win for losing) Anyhow, he asked something kind of interesting, which basically amounted to wanting to come out to see me, in August. We've already talked about me coming in October for his 'rents anniversary party, which I intended on. I don't know if he can swing August. I know I won't even be remotely financially recovered by then, though I do have some vacation time already. He'd only be able to swing a few days since he can never leave the property for too long due to his responsibilities with his job. He'd have to get the plane ticket on his own- and he's certainly no rich man. I have a feeling though, he'd be better off if he could budget better. When he gets his disability check he spends money like a high roller. Drives me nuts. We'll see what happens there.

In the past few days I've read two complete books, parts of a spiritual one, and started yet another. I've been trying to distract my mind from things I shouldn't bog myself down with right now. It's not going to do me any good. The spiritual book I'm reading, by Dr Wayne Dyer gave me a good insight this weekend that I'm meditating on pretty hard. He says, live with flexibility. His visual is great, that of a palm tree in a hurricane. Learn to change the way you see the storms of your life. Bend, do not break. Know that like all storms in life, this one will end too, the buildings around you may collapse, but you will stand in the end. That's the gist of it anyway. So I keep visualizing being a palm tree. I keep waiting for the clear weather to appear on the horizon. I just don't see it yet, I'm really trying.