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Not The Best of Times

My weekend was shit.

It started with my first day off. There is something wrong with Lover and he is doing nothing about it. I think for at least the last year I've been trying to get him to go. He'd gone for a check up and they wanted him to follow up because they found something funky with his heart. He never went back for that. He has issues sleeping. Won't go for that. Has issues with his man parts recently. Won't go for that. He makes appointments and never goes. Things seem to freak him out a bit (especially of course the man part issues) and still he doesn't go. I've given up on saying anything. So the last incident freaked him out enough to make an appointment which was Monday. Normally a day he can come see me too. Not only did he NOT go to his appointment, he made no effort to come see me as he slept all day. I'm concerned for his health, but he doesn't seem to care that much, AND I didn't get to see him. So yeah, I was a bit bummed/disappointed, but not surprised anymore.

Tuesday was already going to be a crappy day, as it was a day to visit my friend who had a stroke. He's been in a really negative mood, which I can understand but it's really, really hard for a person like me who's an emotional sponge to do this. I am so drained. It wasn't as bad a visit as I had anticipated thankfully, his texts on Monday though had me steeled for a crappy one as he told me he was as depressed as he's ever been in his life and that I should reconsider coming. I told him that his attitude may not change from this point forward so he'll just have to deal with it. I think I might have cheered him up a little by smuggling a little airplane bottle of gin and some tonic water and made him a gin&tonic. It was still a bit taxing of course. He's dying. I get it.

I had a yearly appointment made up for Quantum and Epic at their vet. They were unusually nervous this time around. I mean, they are usually nervous, but they were shaking and crying (well E was crying) and hiding in their carrier. I put them both in one carrier thinking even before their nerves they'd be better off together. Well. I guess the level of nervousness brought out something in Epic as the vet noticed a heart murmur for the first time. An indication of possible heart disease per vet. My own heart dropped into my stomach. I was so devastated that this could be a possibility. They were both getting bloodwork done for a baseline and future dental appointments so the vet suggested an extra blood test for E to test for a certain chemical that could detect heart stress. It's apparently not a tool for diagnosis but it can tell if there is something more to look into. I may need to consider an ultra sound for his heart to have a more proper diagnosis. Money part of this sucks but it's the very least of my concerns. I feel really bad for Epic and I want to do whatever I can to make sure he gets what he needs.

I'm stressed, and sad. Feeling very beat up. On top of that all last week prior to my days off I got hives. At first it was just an itch on my neck at night for the first 3 nights of work, but not an issue when I woke. However on my last day 2 hours or so before I was done with my day my neck and chest became inflamed with bumps and itch. I'm still not positive what did it, but I think it was a bread that I had all week at work in my lunches that I'd not eaten before. It may have been from the poppy seeds or amaranth, some nut in that bread I'm not used to eating a lot. At least that's my bet, and it just built up in my system from my sandwiches all week and finally exploded. I'm also not entirely over it, the ugly bumps are gone but not the redness and occasional itch.

I'm almost relieved to be at work but for the fact that it was a hit the ground running scenario. It's just now at an hour until I'm done slow enough for me to take a breath and type out something here. I've now been up more than 24 hours on my first day back (I couldn't sleep as far as a nap goes).

The only thing I can say is that at least when I asked Lover via text if he could come over for just a few minutes for a hug he actually did and it was much appreciated and much needed.

Entered: 2018-04-20

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